LDS Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling

LDS couples therapy is marriage counseling that takes your faith context seriously — whether you’re both active, both out, or somewhere different from each other. I’m Daniel A. Burgess, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who spent more than forty years inside Latter-day Saint culture. I combine evidence-based couples methods with lived understanding of that world, so nothing needs translating and nothing gets judged.

Does this sound like your marriage?

• You love each other, but conversations about sex end in silence, tears, or another postponed talk.
• One of you wants intimacy more than the other, and the gap has started to feel personal.
• Pornography — or the secrecy around it — has shaken trust, and the shame cycle keeps repeating.
• One of you is questioning the Church, or has stepped away, and you don’t know how to be married across that difference.
• You were taught to guard your purity for decades, and no one ever explained how to flip the switch after the sealing.
• You’ve tried talking to your bishop, reading books, or even previous counseling — and you’re still stuck.

None of this means your marriage is broken. It means you were handed a hard combination — real love, high expectations, and very little practical education about desire, conflict, and change. That combination responds well to the right kind of help.

What is LDS couples therapy?

It’s standard, research-backed couples work — communication, desire, trust repair, conflict — delivered by a therapist fluent in the specific pressures LDS and post-LDS couples face: purity culture messaging, worthiness anxiety, mixed-belief tension, garment and modesty dynamics, callings and time pressure, and the silence that grows around sex. You will not be told to just pray harder, and you will not be pushed away from your faith either. My commitment is to your marriage and to the values you choose, wherever you each stand.

That matters because generic marriage counseling often misses the religious layer entirely, while ecclesiastical counsel isn’t designed to treat sexual shame, betrayal trauma, or desire differences. This work sits exactly at that intersection — and it’s where I’ve focused my clinical career, including the Improving Intimacy podcast and community I’ve led for years.

Common issues we address

• Desire differences and sexless seasons — rebuilding a sexual relationship that fits both of you. (If this is your primary concern, see sexless marriage counseling.)
• Pornography conflict and betrayal repair — moving out of the shame-and-secrecy cycle into honest, durable trust.
• Faith transition strain — staying married, and staying kind, when belief changes for one or both of you. (See faith transition counseling.)
• Sexual shame and avoidance — unlearning fear-based messages about bodies and pleasure. (See religious trauma and purity culture recovery.)
• Communication breakdowns — arguments that loop, or the quiet distance that replaces them.
• Parenting and family decisions after belief change — baptisms, garments, tithing, in-laws, and how to present a united front without erasing either parent.

How couples work with me

We start with a free 15-minute consultation so you can ask questions and make sure I’m the right fit — no pressure either way. From there, sessions are 50 minutes over secure video. Early sessions map what’s actually happening in your relationship (most couples find this alone clarifying); then we work a focused plan: skills you practice between sessions, honest conversations you’ve been circling for years, and concrete repair work where trust has been injured. Most couples meet weekly at first, then taper as things stabilize.

Therapy or coaching — which one is right for you?

I offer both, and the difference matters. Therapy is licensed clinical treatment — appropriate when trauma, betrayal, depression, anxiety, or entrenched patterns are part of the picture. I provide therapy via telehealth to clients located in California and Utah. Coaching is forward-focused relationship work — skills, communication, goals — and is available to couples anywhere in the world. Unlike coaches, I’m a licensed clinician either way, which means if something deeper surfaces mid-course, you’re already in qualified hands. We’ll sort out the right fit on your consult call.

About Daniel A. Burgess, LMFT

I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist with a master’s degree in clinical psychology, more than a decade of teaching and presenting on sexuality and faith, and years of clinical work with LDS, post-LDS, and mixed-faith couples. I spent over forty years inside the Church — as a member, a missionary, and a leader — before stepping away, so I understand both sides of the faith line from the inside. I host the Improving Intimacy podcast and founded one of the largest online communities for Latter-day Saint sexual health. More about me and my approach.

“I always felt safe with Daniel, which made it easy to talk about very personal things that I typically don’t share with others… he was able to stretch me to try new things, which helped to create the changes I needed in my life.”

— Katheryn Kirk, former client (read her full story)

Frequently asked questions

Do you only work with active Latter-day Saints?

No. I work with couples across the whole spectrum — fully active, fully out, and every mix in between. My job is not to move you toward or away from the Church; it’s to help your marriage work wherever you each stand.

Is couples therapy against Church teachings?

No. Church leaders have repeatedly encouraged members to seek qualified professional help for mental-health and marriage concerns. Therapy complements — it doesn’t replace — whatever spiritual resources matter to you.

We’re embarrassed to talk about sex with a stranger. Is that normal?

Completely — especially for people raised with strong modesty and purity messaging. You set the pace. Most couples are surprised how quickly the awkwardness fades once someone gives them permission and a vocabulary to talk about it.

Do we both have to attend?

Ideally yes for couples work, but a reluctant spouse is common. Many couples start with one motivated partner, and I can help you think through how to invite the other. Individual work is also an option.

Where are you licensed, and can we work with you from another state?

I provide therapy to clients located in California and Utah via secure telehealth. If you’re elsewhere, coaching is available worldwide — we’ll clarify which is appropriate on your free consult call.

How much does it cost?

Fees depend on whether we’re doing therapy or coaching and the format you choose. We’ll go over costs and options during your free 15-minute consultation so there are no surprises.

How long does couples therapy take?

It varies with the goal. Skill-focused work may run 8–12 sessions; trust repair after betrayal or navigating a faith transition usually takes longer. We’ll set expectations together in the first sessions and review progress as we go.