The Blog
Free, public writing on intimacy, sexual health, faith transitions and trust repair — from Daniel A. Burgess, LMFT. The fuller, more clinical version of this conversation lives in the Inner Circle, from $19 a month.
Browse by topic
Purity culture, shame & religious trauma · Intimacy, desire & sexual health · Pornography, behavior & trust · LDS & mixed-faith relationships · Marriage & relationship skills · Sex ed · Parenting · Mental health · LDS · Marriage
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How to Find the Right Therapist (Without Getting Lost in the Alphabet Soup)
Finding a therapist is strange work. You’re supposed to evaluate a profession you’ve never worked in, decode license acronyms nobody explains, and somehow judge “fit” before you’ve said a word to anyone. One of the earliest episodes of Improving Intimacy was devoted to exactly this, and it remains one of the questions I’m asked most.…
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Divine Self-Mastery: Why the All-or-Nothing Approach to Pornography Keeps Failing — and What Works Instead
This article is adapted from a presentation I’ve given to clinicians, church leaders, and families on my clinical approach to pornography concerns — the framework behind my book project Divine Sexuality. One caveat I always give in person belongs here too: what follows is drawn from a decade of clinical observation, not controlled research. I…
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You Can’t Just Switch It Off: Purity Culture and the Wedding Night
The message was consistent for twenty years: sexual feelings are dangerous. Guard your thoughts. Don’t touch, don’t linger, don’t want. Then came a wedding day, and the message flipped in an afternoon: now it’s sacred, now it’s expected, now enjoy it. Nobody’s nervous system works that way. Why the switch doesn’t flip Shame conditioning isn’t…
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How Online Couples Therapy Works — Even When You’re in Different Places
Some of the most common questions I get before a first session aren’t about the therapy — they’re about the logistics. Does online couples therapy actually work? Do we have to be on the same couch? What if one of us travels, or we’re living apart right now? Here’s how it works in practice. Does…
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When Sexual Boundaries Feel Like Rejection
One partner says: “I’m not comfortable with that.” The other hears: “I don’t trust you. I don’t want you. There’s something wrong with what you want.” A boundary was set; a rejection was received. This gap — between what a boundary is and what it feels like — quietly runs some of the most painful…
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Sexless Marriage: What Counts, What Causes It, and What Actually Helps
“Sexless marriages,” often overlooked yet frequently searched, typically involve intimacy lapses rather than a complete absence of sex, defined as under ten instances annually. Couples face challenges stemming from communication issues, desire differences, and unresolved feelings. Open discussions and professional support can rebuild connection and intimacy without blame, addressing underlying causes effectively.
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Mismatched Desire Is Not the Same as Rejection
In most couples I work with, one partner wants sex more often than the other. That isn’t a sign the marriage is broken — it’s one of the most common dynamics in long-term relationships. What damages marriages isn’t the difference itself. It’s the story each partner tells about what the difference means. The two stories…
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Responsive Desire: Why Waiting to “Feel in the Mood” Often Fails
Most people were taught only one model of desire — and it’s the less common one. Understanding responsive desire changes everything about a ‘low desire’ marriage.
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My Partner Won’t Come to Therapy — Can I Still Change Our Marriage?
Yes — and it’s one of the best-kept secrets in couples work. A licensed marriage therapist on why one motivated partner can genuinely shift a marriage.
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LDS Marriage Counseling vs. Talking with Your Bishop: What Each Can (and Can’t) Do
Bishops and therapists do different jobs. A licensed LMFT on when ecclesiastical counsel helps, when a marriage needs clinical care, and how to use both well.
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The Best Improving Intimacy Episodes & Articles — from an LDS-Background Sex Therapist
A curated guide to the most-loved Improving Intimacy episodes and articles, organized by what you’re facing — desire, betrayal, shame, faith transition, and more.
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Protecting Intimacy When One of You Stops Believing
Faith transition changes a couple’s sexual relationship in ways almost nobody talks about. A licensed sex-and-marriage therapist on keeping — and often deepening — intimacy across a belief divide.
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How to Tell Your Kids (and the Ward) About a Faith Transition
Scripts, timing, and boundaries for one of the hardest parts of leaving or questioning the Church — telling your children, your parents, and your ward.
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My Spouse Left the LDS Church — Now What?
For the believing partner in the first raw months after a spouse steps away from the Church — what helps, what backfires, and how marriages come through this stronger.