The Blog
Free, public writing on intimacy, sexual health, faith transitions and trust repair — from Daniel A. Burgess, LMFT. The fuller, more clinical version of this conversation lives in the Inner Circle, from $19 a month.
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Purity culture, shame & religious trauma · Intimacy, desire & sexual health · Pornography, behavior & trust · LDS & mixed-faith relationships · Marriage & relationship skills · Sex ed · Parenting · Mental health · LDS · Marriage
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Mental and Spiritual Health Challenge for General Conference
Twice a year we have the wonderful privilege of hearing from our leaders to receive spiritual guidance and counsel at the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Each year the messages of these amazing men and women seem to have a greater impact on my life. Maybe you’re like me…
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The Unintelligent Parent
The following is an excerpt from Relief Society Magazine: Guide Lessons For April 1927 Lesson IV Social Service (Fourth Week in April). Emotional Problems of Childhood—Jane and Henrietta Serious and difficult emotional problems are presented by the two adolescent girls, Jane and Henrietta. Both were the victims of unintelligent parents. The basis of these problems…
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My Son Is Not Baptized And That Is Okay
My son isn’t baptized. I’m okay with that and he hasn’t missed out on any blessings. My son’s mother has refused to provide permission for his baptism, and I’m not only okay with that, I support her decision. I wasn’t okay with it at first. When his mother and I decided to separate, I knew…
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“Don’t Touch” — Summary
Why This Article As an active Latter-day Saint marriage and family therapist, I have worked with many clients who have struggled for many years with pornography and masturbation. At the same time, most of my couples work involves a need to cultivate increasing desire. The current approaches of reading more scriptures, prayer, temple attendance, more…
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Oral Sex
In this article Exploring the Appropriateness of Oral Sex in Marital Intimacy: A Compr Exploring the LDS Church’s stance on intimate behaviors within marriag Introduction LDS Handbook 2 on Sexual Behavior in Marriage Cultural Confusion and Subjectivity Contextual Issues with Quoting President Kimball’s Letter Moral and Spiritual Inconsistency Conclusion References: Applying Lessons Learned Additional Resources…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Part 7
Previous Chapter: 6. Purity, Modesty, And Moral Ambiguity Solution: Real Self-Mastery Cultivating Sexuality Masturbate. Yes, masturbate. Learn your body. Cultivate and master your God-given desires as early as possible. Rejection, suppression, and ignoring are not tools of self-mastery. We treat sexuality as an exception to the concept of self-mastery. We have convinced ourselves that it’s…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Part 6
Previous Chapter: 5. A New Culture Is Born: “Doctrine And Addiction” And Returning To The 1700s Purity, Modesty And Moral Ambiguity A quick word on purity and modesty and how it’s negatively feeding into our perception/paradigm and preventing healthy solutions. These are probably two of the most ambiguous terms I hear in the context of…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Part 5
Previous Chapter: 4. What Went Wrong? A New Culture Is Born: “Doctrine And Addiction” And Returning To The 1700s In my book, I explore in detail the historical development of how we’ve come to culturally believe masturbation is such a serious sin. Even in this brief summary you can see how the leadership appears to…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos in the LDS Faith Part 4
Previous Chapter: 3. Cultivating Versus Condemning What Went Wrong? The Depression, WWII and Kinsey. The Church leadership noticeably changed their approach to sexuality in the ‘30s and ’40s, which was culturally reinforced in the ‘50s and ’60s. In the 1942 April Conference, which was a time of great upheaval in the world with much uncertainty,…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Part 3
Previous Chapter: 2. Context Is Important: A Brief History Of Masturbation Beliefs Within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Cultivating Versus Condemning In spite of these popular moral and medical views on sexuality and masturbation, which persisted well into the mid 1900s, The Church leaders embraced a progressively healthier view that focused more…