The Blog
Free, public writing on intimacy, sexual health, faith transitions and trust repair — from Daniel A. Burgess, LMFT. The fuller, more clinical version of this conversation lives in the Inner Circle, from $19 a month.
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Purity culture, shame & religious trauma · Intimacy, desire & sexual health · Pornography, behavior & trust · LDS & mixed-faith relationships · Marriage & relationship skills · Sex ed · Parenting · Mental health · LDS · Marriage
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Part 2
Previous Chapter: 1. Background — It Happened Again Context Is Important: A Brief History Of Masturbation Beliefs Within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints “Some persons have supposed that our natural affections were the results of a fallen and corrupt nature, and that they are ‘carnal, sensual, and devilish,’ and therefore ought to…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos in the LDS Faith Part 1
In this article Background — It Happened Again Personal Narratives: The Struggle for Spiritual Harmony The Simplicity and Effectiveness of the Solution The Impact on Individuals and Church Leaders Doctrinal and Cultural Context: Navigating the Complexities Emotional Landscape: Guilt, Shame, and Faith Seeking Solutions: Beyond Traditional Approaches The Role of Church Leaders and the Community…
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“Don’t Touch” — Addressing Sexual Taboos In The LDS Faith Intro
In this exploration of Latter-day Saint sexuality, we venture into a realm often shrouded in complexity and sensitivity: masturbation within the LDS faith. This subject is not merely about the broader spectrum of sexuality — a topic our faith community is progressively engaging with more openness — but rather, it focuses on the intricacies of…
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Because I Loved Her, I Left Her
Anonymous Question Series: The following two questions are so similar that I chose to include them both in this response. I will be speaking in terms of divorce, but these concepts are equally applicable to “break ups” before marriage and within engagements. Q: When do you suggest that a problematic/troubled partnership separate? Or stay together?…
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Anonymous Questions
Anonymous Questions Whenever I am invited to speak or present a workshop, I provide the participants an opportunity to ask anonymous questions. It has been a valuable experience to hear the weighty, raw and real concerns of those who are struggling for answers. After presenting for five years now, the questions appear to have similar…
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Marrying Outside Of Faith
Anonymous Question Series: The following two questions are so similar that I chose to include them both in this response. Q: I met a man who is generous, grateful, patient and compassionate but knew nothing about my faith, which is important for me. Is happiness possible with such a person who does not believe in…
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Happiest Marriages
Anonymous Question Series: Q: What kind of marriage partnerships have you seen are the the happiest? Give some examples of how they work through times of disagreement or misunderstanding. A: The quick answer: Couples who know how to adore versus accept. These couples learn how to be okay with the “messy” of each other. Those who…
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Female Struggles With Porn And Masturbation
Anonymous Question Series: Q: “What is your advice to females who have watched pornography or masturbate?” A: The quick answer: Love yourself, be kind to yourself, retain the joy and beauty that is your sexuality, come out of hiding, and be confident in your struggle. Your question is important to me, one I am addressing in depth…
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Jealousy And Social Media
Anonymous Question Series: Q: My husband gets jealous about Facebook likes, emojis, and comments I get from other men who are just friends. How do you recommend dealing with such situations? A: The quick answer: Recognize your husband’s jealousy is rooted in fears and insecurities and avoid taking responsibility for his emotions. Jealousy is a toxic…
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Transparency in All Things
Anonymous Question Series: Q: If someone has watched pornography or masturbated in the past, do you feel they are obligated to tell their future spouse? Does it depend on how long ago it was? There are three concepts in this question that need to be answered: 1) transparency in relationships, 2) stigma/shame of sexual sins/behaviors, 3)…